Dating 101

I'm just going to state that this is from a gay mans perspective. This is a list of 10 things you should do when you're playing the "dating game". 

I'm no expert but I have been on many MANY dates in my years of dating and I think I have a pretty solid list of things that make a guy smile and swoon. 

Shall we start?

#1- Take time to ACTUALLY plan the date. This is something I can't stand is having the guy come pick me up and say "okay so now what sounds like fun", I feel like looking over and saying "dude, YOU asked ME out". So guys, get creative or get simple and plan it. 

#2- Text/call before dates. I promise I'm not a clingy guy who needs a text all the time --I use to be. I admit it!-- but once you ask me out don't all of a sudden get silent on me until an hour before the date. I want to know you're excited about getting to know me as much as I like getting to know you. 

#3- Dress nice. What ever happened to dressing up nice?? I'm not saying a shirt and tie, but I'm saying something more than a tee shirt, shorts and flip flops. There is a time and place for that outfit and a first date isn't the place for that UNLESS otherwise stated to wear it for the activity. 

#4- Bring flowers. This is a new thing for me. Someone brought me flowers and it made me smile SO BIG and made me feel special.  I'm not saying bring roses or a huge bouquet but Smiths always has fun small bouquets of mixed flowers that cost $5. It's a fun surprise. I know not all guys want flowers BUT a good majority wouldn't mind them. 

#5- Be a goofball. Don't take the first date so serious. BELIEVE ME, I use to take the first date so serious. Really just take time to giggle, joke and just be normal/awkward. I understand first dates are nerve racking but just be yourself.  

#6- Play the right kind of music. When we are in the car driving to wherever you planned have the right music playing. If you know I like Britney and you like Britney, play Britney. For one, it immediately makes both of us feel more comfortable because you can tap or sing along with the song and second, it gives you something in common and now you can chat about Britney and how much you loved her growing up and BAM you start talking about childhood and so on and so on. 

#7- Keep It Simple. I stated this in #1 but it's the best advice I can give, first dates should be simple. You should be able to communicate. Get to know eachother. Also, NO movies! Movies are definitely second or third date options, not ever a first date. 

#8- Put your phone away. This should be a given right?? Well apparently not. Nothing annoys me more than getting on a date and the guy gets on his phone or leaves it on the table. Dude, leave it in your pocket on silent. I'm here getting to know you and you insist on checking your phone... Don't do that. 

#9- Compliment. Nothing makes someone's confidence boost faster than a simple compliment. I'm not saying you need to overload, but if he does something you like or he looks nice, say something and be sincere about it. Don't give false compliments. We can tell. ;)

#10- After the date be honest when they ask if you want to go out again. If you honestly had a good time,tell him. If he asks you if you want to go out again, tell him the truth. There is no need to give false hopes if you don't see it going anywhere. We are human and we all know when something feels right or not. I have been on both sides of the fence when it comes to answering this question and I admit I've said yes when really I wanted to say no. This is dating not a marriage proposal so it's okay if you guys are just going to be friends or if there can be more. Just be honest and if you/he says yes, YAY! But if you/he says no, not a big deal. Keep trucking along. 

Dating sucks. We ALL know it. But with a little help we can make it somewhat more enjoyable. Like Gaga said "every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith" and I absolutely agree. Heartbreak is out there and sadly we have to go through a lot of it to find the one and its down right exhausting and painful. I've been there when I have almost given up the drive to go out but I still put myself out there because I know someday someone will appreciate it and someday someone will end this awful dating game for me. 

Now go on, take this list -or parts of it- and see how it changes dating for you. 

I want to continue on with this list so if you have anything to add leave me a message and next blog post I'll add it to the list. 

-Brady 

-Five-

Okay, let me just start off by saying, I'm awful when it comes to updating my blog.  I think I need to set an alarm on my phone to remind me once a week to sit down and write a new one. I feel like I have been so busy and have so much to update everyone on. 

First off, I went on an amazing trip to Seattle! I am determined to live there someday. Seattle was beautiful, and the people I met were amazing and so friendly, by friendly I mean extremely welcoming. I'll share an example for you, it was Saturday night and I was all alone walking around and I decided that I was tired of being by myself --yes, I was on a vacation alone-- as I was walking around I saw a group of three women walking up the street and I decided to just talk to them. I walked up and said "can you guys help me out, I'm new here, I'm from Utah and I have no idea what to do on a Saturday night alone!". After about five minutes of talking they invited me to come play pool with them at a local bar! I was blown away by how kind and accepting they were AND to make this story even more exciting, I find out they are celebrities! I had run into soccer superstar Megan Rapinoe and her fiancé Sera Cahoone! 

I had no idea who Megan was until someone came up and asked for a picture and started asking her questions and that's when I turned to their friend Betsy and she then told me who she was. I was  in total shock that she just invited me along, they didn't need to, they could have just told me of some places to go and walk away, but they didn't!  It's something I will never forget! 

To move on from that exciting story, I'll tell you what else has been keeping me busy. I have been working on a podcast! It's called "Candid with Brady and Tia" (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/candid/id1095515022?mt=2) and so far we have been recording for almost two months! We decided to start this podcast to just talk to people about different topics and to get people thinking. Our podcast episodes range from humor, to cosplay, to karaoke, to political points, to drag queens and beauty pageants, and also to our own personal stories of struggle and change! 

We are still new to this, we know some episodes aren't going to catch your attention, but there might be that episode that just sticks with you. We are trying, and to be honest, we are kicking some major butt with how much we have put into it. Take a second to look at our list of episodes and just pick and choose or listen from first to the most current. Give us feedback, ask us questions, we want to hear from you guys. 

Tia recently posted her own blog and it talks about taking charge of your life and making changes for yourself. That's what we want people to think about as they listen! Change the way you think and maybe even switch things up a bit. Go do something you would have never done before, accept yourself more, make time to meet new people, break out of your daily routine. We have this one life, just like I stated earlier, I went on a trip alone where I had no one beside me and I explored! 

Do something different. 

Social Media:

Instagram: @bradykummer

Twitter: @bradykummer

Podcast: Candid with Brady and Tia

Facebook: Brady Kummer

Tags:

Podcast podcaster lgbt gay Mormon Seattle travel success positive thinking change discover soccer singer 

-Four-

I had such a fun weekend last week! I went to St. George to visit my bestie Emily—aka Emil Jonas—and her husband Derek—aka Derelique. We did the usual: eat pizza, play games, watch movies, go to a polygamist community, and guzzle tons of Dr. Pepper. Oh wait...did I just say POLYGAMIST COMMUNITY?? That's right, I SURE DID!

On Sunday we decided to go to Colorado City, AZ to check out all the polygamists, and let me tell you something, it was...VERY interesting and something that I will never. Do. Again. When we got to the town, we knew right away that this was most definitely not a normal town. Each house had at least a ten foot tall fence surrounding the yard so people couldn't get in and there were signs plastered on the outsides of the fences that said no trespassing. Not to mention the homes there only had plywood for exterior walls! While we were driving around, we made jokes about there being someone in a white car following us, which turned out to be wrong; once we drove past the church, they turned in and we never saw them again. Can I just say, their church building was creepy too! It was fenced in and even had security at both entrances! Like big, burly guys who don't look nice at all. I don't know about you but I think religions that are that secretive are super sketch.

Any hoo, we decided that since it was a beautiful day, we'd stop by the town park. Right when we pulled up we looked into the park and saw some girls playing on the swing. Emily was freaked out and didn't want to the leave the car, but after MUCH convincing and begging—yes, begging and using our friendship against her—she finally got out. Just making our way to the gate, we all got the heebie jeebies because the entire park looked like it was stuck in time. The playground had to have been constructed some time in the 80's and had a giant tire swing in the middle. Once we walked in, we saw the same girls on the tire swing and as we got closer, they all jumped up and left. Super sketch, right? We decided to play around on the playground just for kicks and giggles, but as we were goofing off a big white suburban with blacked out windows pulled up and we knew for sure that we were being watched.

Feeling awkward, we decided to leave because we still had this eerie feeling that this place was no good. So yeah, that was my experience with a creepy polygamist cult. Have you ever seen a polygamist community? How'd it go? Were you completely sketched out like we were?

See?? SUPER SKETCHY PLAYGROUND!

-Three-

Bucket lists...we all have them but how often do we really cross things off?

I have decided to make this summer one I will never forget. It goes back to the idea of wanting to try new things. I want to be able to travel more, take that weekend trip somewhere new and exciting, or try that restaurant I have driven by countless times. You know, just make memories! I'm not going to write down exact locations or places to visit because I want to be able to be spontaneous and just go, so here is my general list. Since I don't go to a singles ward (its a LDS church group for singles, if you don't know) and I feel like I have missed out on meeting new people that way, so instead of meeting people the "normal" Utah way, I need to get out there and find ways. Here is my list:

• Travel somewhere new outside of Utah.
• Try more local restaurants and avoid the chains of fast food.
• Pick up a new hobby
• Rekindle friendships, find new friends, and maintain current ones.
• Go to concerts, check out local bands, sing karaoke. 
• Drive to different parts of Utah, why not explore this beautiful state we are in?!
• Take more pictures!
• Run more races.
• Clean out my closet of clothes I do not wear.
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter or food pantry.
• Meet a celebrity, meeting Christina Perri again wouldn't be a bad plan :)
• Go to a symphony or ballet. 
• See Britney Spears in Vegas. YES. 

It's not a huge list but I feel like it is a great place to start. I can't wait to start and complete my list and I will do my best to document it all! I went and bought a selfie stick so I will make sure to put it to some good use. YES, SELFIE STICKS ARE COOL. If you don't own one and you are judging me for saying so, shush your mouth because once you have one it changes the picture taking game.

-Two-

"You need to love yourself and be yourself one hundred percent before you can actually love someone else."

-Christina Perri

So this is going to be more of a "serious" topic. It's just something I have been thinking a lot about lately with some of the events that have going on, but I want to share my feelings about self-worth and loving yourself. I understand that we all have rough days where we don't always like everything about ourselves but seriously, we need to have less of those days. I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not one hundred percent there yet, but I am getting to the point of loving myself more and the quirks that come along with me. I've had very low times in my life where I feel as if I am nothing special and I've beaten myself up about it.

So far 2016 has been a great year and I have grown so much already. Like I've mentioned in my last entry, I have taken chances and learned from them. There have been a couple of situations come up that have been wake up calls -I'll spare you the long stories and just get to the point. 

Some people are insensitive. Some people don't see your value. Some people are selfish. And that's okay! I want to thank those people for being mean, for being jerks. Thanks to you, I am shaping myself into who I am today. It's because of those times you knocked me down that I've made my decision to do what's best for me and allowed me to add who and what I want in my life to my "check list." 

2015 was not my most favorite year, I struggled a lot... but would I change it? Probably not. I learned a lot and I'm taking what I learned last year and adding it to this year. I'm going to be more picky about who I date, who I associate myself with, and who I let affect me. 

I Googled self-worth on Sunday and this definition came up: the sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. Ever since I read that, I have had a couple questions on my mind, the main one being "Do I know my own value?" and to answer truthfully...no, right now I don't really, but I'm working on it. Someday--hopefully soon--I can say that I know my value, my worth, have higher self esteem and more self respect with confidence.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm tired of feeling less than I am and I'm tired of feeling like I deserve to feel that way because of how others treat me. If you've ever seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower, there's a line in that movie about accepting the love we think we deserve and I feel like I've been settling for less because I feel that I don't deserve anything more and I don't want to do that anymore. So, I guess that's what this year is going to be about, but I want to change that.

-One-

"When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important." -Ellen DeGeneres

One of the things I love most about myself is how spontaneous I am. I'm always willing to try something once, sometimes I love it and sometimes I really hate it, but I always put myself out there and try something new.

For instance, this past weekend I went to Ichiban Sushi and tried sushi for my very first time--I get it, I'm behind on the sushi trend, my cousin Amy has told me repeatedly and since I'm a trendy guy, I like to keep up with the latest popular fads. But fish, in general, freaks me out. It doesn't matter if it's cooked or uncooked, I just don't like the thought of it. Imagining swallowing a bone or even thinking about the taste of fish grosses me out, but on Saturday I decided to give it a shot and guess what! I actually enjoyed it! If you go, I recommend the Park City roll.

Speaking of new and exciting things, I recently flew to New York to meet a guy for the first time. Crazy, right? As many of you know, I'm easily overwhelmed when it comes to taking such huge risks and flying by myself counts as a big deal to me. The thing that stressed me out most was the layover. Have you ever missed a flight because of a layover? Well, I haven't and I didn't want to! I was so stressed out that I felt like I was annoying everyone around me because I kept talking about it. 

I'm kind of a control freak by nature and I just don't handle not having control of my transportation very well--if I could have flown the plane, I would have flown it myself! By the time I landed in JFK and got to my gate, I realized I was acting like a hot mess and that forty minutes was plenty of time. I know that flying comes easily to some people but now, because I took that chance, I feel more comfortable traveling alone than I thought I would and I'd do it again.

These experiences might not be huge, and I could go on and on about the things I've done, but they just reminded me that trying new things is fun, a little bit scary, and exciting and I really want more moments like them. Now I can say I'm ready for that next date or new restaurant. I'm ready to explore and I'm ready to learn more about myself and the things I am capable of. Join me. Make suggestions. I'd love to hear about things you love to do that I haven't, I may even try them out!

-Preface-

"Anyone can hide; it's the easiest thing to do. Standing up, facing the truth, and working through problems, that's what makes you strong." -Unknown

There's something I've been hiding for a long time. Something some of you already know or have suspected, and I've finally come to terms with it enough to let my "secret" out. It's something that some of you might accept, some of you might deny it, and some of you might even end up hating me for it--but it's also something I'm tired of hiding.

I'm gay. 

I've known it for years and it doesn't change who I am--I'm still the same person--and I hope this doesn't change the way you think or feel about me, but I can't keep living a lie. I've been out to most my friends and all of my immediate family for a couple years already and have waited for the right time for me to tell everyone else. 

I've been so scared of the way everyone else perceives me, and the disappointment they might feel when they learn that I can't be what they want, that I've lost my sense of self-worth and drive in pursuing my own happiness. I've resisted telling some very close people in my life because others have told me not to talk about it or mention it. But now it's time that I did something for me. 

It does scare me what you might think, but I hope that this will be a place where I can come to talk about my life and not be judged and where you can come to share in my experiences.

I've started this blog because I want you all to know the real me. This will not be about just another gay guy writing about being gay, I just want you to see me for who I am as a whole and not just the public face I show everyone. I want to tell you about funny dates I've been on, funny shows I've seen, or the latest thing that happened at work or with my friends. I also want to be able to be serious with everyone too.

I just want you to be a part of my life.

First post will be out beginning of next week. 

I am truly thankful for those who have been a positive influence in my life with this decision and direction I have taken.